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Daz 10-26-2007 03:46 AM

Wise sayings..
 
A rare old collection of rubbish. :D



· If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you

· Everyone who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand

· Every time I make ends meet, someone moves the ends

· Zymocenosilicaphobia - fear of an empty beer glass

· I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it

· When I die I want to go out peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car

· Drag queens are just guys who like to eat, drink, and be Mary

· Clones are people two

· They say that practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect, so why practice?

· If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk

· Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

· Procrastinate now or later

· I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken

· Next time you wave, use all of your fingers

· If you light a man a fire, he'll be warm for the day. But if you set him on fire he'll be warm the rest of his life

· Trying is the first step towards failure

· Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

· There are only three types of people in the world - those who can count and those who can't

· I give 100% at work - 20% on Monday, 20% on Tuesday…

· What if there were no hypothetical questions?

· Computers are like air-conditioners - they stop working properly when you open Windows

· A life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?

· It's only funny until someone gets hurt, and then it's just hilarious

· A day without sunshine is like… night

· 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot

· 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name

· Half of all people are below average

· Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

· The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

· Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

· Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

· Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it

· For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism

· No one is listening… until you make a mistake

· The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard

· A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

· Change is inevitable… except from vending machines

· I'm not really happy - it's just a chemical imbalance

· I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory

· I plan to be spontaneous

· If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments

· How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

· If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

· I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder

· Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

· When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't achieve

· Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets mad and comes after you, he has to run a mile with no shoes

· Never be afraid to try something new. Remember:
Amateurs built the ark, professionals built the titanic

· Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason

· An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world, a pessimist fears this is true

· There will always be death and taxes. However, death doesn't get worse every year

· If marriage was outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws

· It's frustrating when you know all of the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions

· The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment

· If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change

· A man who respects the law, and enjoys sausages, should NEVER watch EITHER being made

· The problem with the world is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

· If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.

· Sell a man a fish, and you get money for one meal. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a good business



See what did I tell you !!

Lupin 10-26-2007 03:57 AM

Re: Wise sayings..
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Daz
· If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you
If at first you don't succeed, why bother?http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r...e_076/rofl.gif

· They say that practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect, so why practice?
True.:squint:

· The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
The first mouse ends up on a mousetrap.

· Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r...e_076/rofl.gif

· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Testy?:squint:

See what did I tell you !!

I was only being a spoilsport.:lol:

herefishy 10-26-2007 08:15 PM

There are only so many clothes you can take off on a hot summer's day before you are laughed at or arrested.

willow 10-27-2007 09:46 AM

some of those made me chuckle. :)


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