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It's Past Midnight

This is a discussion on It's Past Midnight within the Off Topic Discussions forums, part of the The Tropical Fish Keeping Community category; --> The man I spoke of worries that he isn't good enough for me. He also worries that I will die on him, die while ...

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Old 01-16-2013, 11:19 AM   #21
 
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The man I spoke of worries that he isn't good enough for me. He also worries that I will die on him, die while giving birth or have a miscarriage when we decide to have kids, that he can never give me the life I diserve, that I will become so ill that everything will fall on his shoulders, and so on. His family also hates me and has often told all the issues they have with me and reasons he should leave me which leaves him torn between me and his family. But he never fully stays away. He is always there even when we have broken up. His 1 day off from work has been spent with me even while he was dating someone else. He has waited at the hospital when I have to go in. He remembers every little detail about me and thinks the fact that I'm an Aspie is cute. And when other people thought my fish were silly, he bought me supplies because he knew that even if he didn't understand my facination with it, it was important to me, so it was important to him.

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Old 01-16-2013, 11:34 AM   #22
 
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I get so mad at him sometimes because he is so sure that he can't be my true love because I have never been with another and he worries that he has taken advantage of me which makes him feel terrible. He wants me to find someone better than him, but at the same time, he's scared that I will.

With me, I worry about not being good enough for him and being ill all the time. That I wont be a good wife and mother because I am unfamiliar with both. That who my mother was is somehow in my genes and lead me to be like her when I get older. And so many other things.
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Old 01-16-2013, 12:30 PM   #23
 
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My wife is the only woman I have loved like I said my first. I had just bought a house when I meet her. Shortly after that we both moved in together in the house. We lived together for about 2 years before I asked that woman to marry me. It took me that long because I afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of getting laughed at, afraid I couldn't keep it up. It being the house being able to make it on my own let a lone another person who would rely on me! I was afraid of not being the person she wanted, Afraid I couldn't make her happy, afraid I couldnt provide for her.
Afraid I was making a mistake. Wondering about everything humanly possibly. I had many conversation with close freinds about the situations and what I my worries are. Oh btw I don't get along with ppl my age around me as most are welll yeah. So most of my freinds are older them me. Wiser them me. Have been through the trails of life that I was about to enter or thinking about entering.
They helped but it really came down to me to what I thought and what I though I could do.
Well I woke up one day and it hit me. Who cares if I can't keep it up as long as she loves me! It still took myself a lot of convincing myself to ask her to marry me because of rejection. Rejection is a HUGE problem for me.
While we have been happily marred now since 7/7/07. We have had some rough times durning that period. With stuff breaking and not having the money needed to fix them, not enough money for a lot things to be honest. Though those things don't really matter and are not the things that really make us happy. Its the love we share and its love that will get us through.
We have a daughter who is 3 now almost 4 .
The day I found out my wife was pregnant was the scariest day of my life bar none! I actually think I said something "Well that's no good!" when my wife told me. Yeah I have diarrhea of the mouth. I tend to speak sometimes before I think but I wasn't really prepared for a kid. We had been talking about having kids though and I thought I was ready and I was to a point. Though when she told me I realized I wasn't.
Now it wasn't the fact of having a kid that so much scared me it was providing for the kid. Making sure my daughter has everything she needs. Food, clothing, medicine, and shelter. I didn't know how we could afford all this when I thought we were having problems making it as it was. Friends and family helped alot with hand me downs in the way of clothing. Baby food and diapers were a huge expense. One that we some how managed. How I don't know! Its still amazes me! Looking back at it now it was Love. The love I had for my wife and daughter. Love had me working a lot. Still does. See my doesn't work as she is a stay at home mom as we can't afford daycare. So that leaves just me working back to be the sole provider for the my family. To this day I worry about not being able to make it. Not being about to provide things that are necessary. Simple things like food, clothing, or whatever. Being about to afford to take the family to the doc when they are sick. All those things still rumble in my head. Though I don't worry as much as I know we have always made it somehow someway. I don't know how and I try nit to question. I know it doesn't matter as long as we make it. Also most of those thoughts stay in my head. I don't express most of those thoughts to my wife. Some I do, ones I think are important. Though they are all important and I should express things more to my wife but part of me doesn't want her worrying to. She been through to much in her life before she meant me (that's a different story.) and I just want her happy.
Well she is happy and loved and she loves me back and whatever happens and whatever comes that love won't change. I know this, I need that. That's the love that is true, that's real, that's soo many ppl need.
Will just say this there will always be problems in life and worries in life but those shouldn't get in the way of love if it real love, true love.
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Old 01-16-2013, 01:58 PM   #24
 
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Anyone want to make a fish support group?


I'm only half-joking. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, I'll freely give out my phone no. for a text, or my email.
Do aquariums attract broken people?
Do we like caring for helpless creatures?
Or is it a god-complex, wanting to keep nature in a glass cage?
I'm starting to envy my fish, perhaps they enjoy being in a bubble.
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Old 01-16-2013, 02:29 PM   #25
 
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i wonder if our love of wanting to keep a pet is because it's something
that we can control,even when things are not so good,like the
undying love that a dog has for its owner...
which reminds me of a joke i heard if no one minds ?

A man fed up with the nagging from his wife shuts her in the boot with the dog,
after the 3 hour drive he decides to pull over, which one was still pleased to see him ?


but seriously i think perhaps all of those things red come into it somewhere,
out of all this sadness look what we have gained all of us together
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Old 01-16-2013, 02:49 PM   #26
 
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Dom, it's like you took everything he has ever told me and everything he hasn't and wrote it down. I know he feels the same way. It took him a whole year to say "I love you" out loud, but I always knew he did. He is so scared of the unknown being in a life of flux. Always moving. Never in one place for long due to step-dad's work. Parents and step-parents fighting and yelling. Dad falling in the bottle. Mom falling inside herself. Step-dad with a strong back hand and a marine metality. Only to the point of healing when you can admit that your childhood sucked, but never why except to those who have known you well enough and long enough to collect together the sad stories you have told in rare moments of clarity. It's why he always runs.

And Red, I do it because I can give a good life to something when I can't do it for myself. That even though I can't save myself, I can save them. I hope that in the end, they were happy that I saw them in a pet store one day.
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Old 01-17-2013, 02:10 AM   #27
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I think fish keeping in this sense is somewhat sad. An ideal world is created, one where we cannot inhabit. At the end of the day, reality is still reality.
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Old 01-17-2013, 02:14 AM   #28
 
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But it reminds us that one can. In a world of pain and uncertanty, they remind us that peace still exists.
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Old 01-17-2013, 02:37 PM   #29
 
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Hey Y'all ,
Its good to see others out their that are in the same worls Im in be it good or bad .
It helps me mentally I guess to know Im not crazy that other folks are going through the same problems and feel the same way I do , down to the little things from our past to our mistakes we have made and mistakes we will make in the future . To our families and what we do for and want for them , a better life than we had more secure more loveing memories . A acceptance for the mistakes our kids will make and an understanding for when they do .
I spend most of my day wondering if it will be alright if I will be able to cover our bills this month and the whole time this is goin through my mind Im tryin to find a way to do more to be better so I can give more . I dont know what to do most of the time and it never seems anough but thank god for my wife "jessi" she has made me able shes my strength my breath my life along with our kids they are everything to me . I think that helps kinda my family takes the place in my thoughts they replace my thought and feelings of being inadaquite or diffrent . I cant worry about that stuff anymore cause Im to busy worring about them and what to do to be better dad and husband . Ways to give them what I never had ..
It might be silly but I like this thread I look forward to reading the new posts when I get off work to seeing how others have opened up how much we seem to have in common with each other . And to see how we all come a little bit closer we all feel a little bit better . Maybe this thread is helpin us all in our lives out side the glass as much as the site has helped us all inside the glass in other threads .
I cant say how much I appreciate all the friends Ive made on here and advice Ive gotten . God bless y'all , untill next time
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Old 01-18-2013, 01:04 AM   #30
 
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I'll go catch a star.
We can use it as a light,
You go fetch the goblets
To drink the briliant night.

Darkness encases me,
Like a cacoon,
And what shall be her boon?
Why nothing!
Save a memory.
If you coud call it that.

I fell into the nothingness
And nothing's left but this!
A shell of pain and emptyness,
Of blood. And blame. And hopelessness.

A dove cannot live without a leg to stand on.

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