afternoon...sometimes i still can't get my head round the fact that
some of you guys are in bed.....heyho.
we are all joined in so many ways you know,happy times,even the sad times.
my dad was a drinker,he left us when i was around 4-5yrs,i don't have memories
of him like i used to think i should,it'd had taken me many years to come
to terms with the fact it just wasn't ment to be.
sometime ago(many moons actually) i went to stay with him,and we went out
to the pub/bar and he kinda showed me off to his friends,and i was so uncomfortable,
and angry....how dare he suddenly be super fantastic,.....where had he been all my life
(i was 17)...i'm now 46yrs .so many mixed emotions....i lost contact/we never bothered to be honest
and although i knew where he was,i made to effort to see him,well he passed away
two years ago this novemer 5th.....the turmoil i found myself was awful,i went to the place he was living(sheltered accommodation ) to do the right thing,and take care of
buisness,i took my older brother with me,the other two siblings didn't want to know,
and talking to the warden..she knew nothing of us at all,she was shocked to see he had children,and no mistaking my brother and father in looks.
we were told everything was in hand with his best friend,who basically said we wern't needed/wanted,so we backed away into the sunset.
i did speak to someone later,and i asked if there were any pictures,as they would probably be thrown away if i could have them,i wanted nothing else,and they were
of no use to anyone else,incase they thought i was a gold digger lol
well i got some surprising pictures in a bag,the grandchildren ,my mother and fathers Wedding day (i nearly fell on the floor with that one !) and one of me and him in the feild walking the dog.
were we tucked away in a box because memories were to painful for him...
in this life time i don't think i will ever know....
it's good to talk here i think...i think it helps more than we realise.