Enjoy: 10 Office Rules - Tropical Fish Keeping - Aquarium fish care and resources
 
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post #1 of 5 Old 02-06-2010, 04:20 PM Thread Starter
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Talking Enjoy: 10 Office Rules

10 Office Rules:

10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.

9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

8. Messy desk -- only top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

7. Voice mail -- Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

6. Look impatient and annoyed -- According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give off the impression that you're always busy.

5. Leave the office late -- Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

4. Creative sighing for effect -- Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

3. Stacking strategy -- It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

2. Build vocabulary -- Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

1. MOST IMPORTANT -- DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!

~ Life Is Too Short, Break The Rules, Forgive Quickly, Kiss Slowly, Love Truly, Laugh Uncontrollably And Never Regret Anything that Made You Smile.
Life May Not Be The Party We Hoped For, But While We're Here, We Should Dance. ~
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post #2 of 5 Old 02-06-2010, 06:39 PM
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thats why i pay salary not hourly. LOL
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post #3 of 5 Old 02-06-2010, 07:17 PM
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Mollie that's good. Busted people. My office is the cab of a 2009 Kenworth diesel breathing beast. I can say,do, act, how I please. And I am miles away from my boss for hours. Then the day ends and I see him. Drat...

“He who knows nothing is closer to the truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors”
Thomas Jefferson quote
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post #4 of 5 Old 02-07-2010, 05:06 PM
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Hahahaha, nice list. :)


Puck (Yellow koi HM king) / Scar (White HM) / Salt 'n Pepper (Silver HMPK) / 'That fish' (Copper butterfly HM) / No name (White DT) / No name 2 (Turquoise/white marble HM) / No name 3 (Lilac HM)




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post #5 of 5 Old 02-07-2010, 11:53 PM
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Wow, I am breaking half of those hahah, time to change ;)
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