Advice about absent parent

alidawn15

How am I as a 20 year old female suppose to deal with the fact that my worthless was never around "father" is engaged to an 18 year old girl I went to school with and is trying to claim her 3 1/2 month old girl as his?

leogtr

people are out of their minds but all I can tell you is to be strong and dont let anything get in the way of your success just keep fighting and try to talk to a counselor. No scumbag should keep you down you are now starting to build your life so be very careful on how you spend your time, thoughts and actions.

I am 20 as well and life is beginning to throw things at me like never before but we just need to keep our head straight and be focused on what we need to do. I really feel for you and I cant tell you exactly what you need to hear but just be strong. Live for all that you are and all that you wish to be your dreams cannot be jeopardised by other peoples foolish decisions. I advise that you be in touch with your spirituality if you have not done so at this time.

seek more help if you feel like you need it. alot of people out there cant wait to pour out their wisdom onto you.

good luck my friend God be with you.

alidawn15

He's not in my life. He walked out when i was 7 and didn't speak to me again until I was in high school. He's done some very dirty deeds in his life and I'm honestly better off without him. I just happen to know that he's a pretty good con artist when you barely know him and I don't believe she knows much about him.

leogtr

I dont know if I would interfere. The girl knows what she is doing she must be naive to boot. These young closed minds cant budge to anything people tell them..they are living in a dream world away from reality.

I understand if you feel the need to help her but each person has to carry their own load. If you are able to help her without putting yours down go for it but dont try to make any decisions that might drain you from something you know what I mean? people need to help themselves to learn the value of hard work and making wise decisions and sometimes when you try to help another soul in need you could be doing the opposite.

just be careful.

alidawn15

Personally I would worry about how he'd treat my child if he treated his own like that and I pity the baby but oh well. It's her choice. She'll learn soon enough that he doesn't follow through with anything. The only people on his side I talk to myself are my grandfather and his wife (step-grandmother).

leogtr

thats quite alot to think about. Very unfortunate but remember just do your thing and try to keep your mind off of that specially when there is very little you can do.

here is a little video to relax your mind :)

Romad

Oh man that's a tough one. But if he hasn't been part of your life then nothing will really change for you. He doesn't deserve to be part of your life so as long as you're ok with that, keep him at a distance so you don't get sucked into the craziness.

If you have people in your life who love and care for you already, you don't need a train wreck of a man/parent to make up for anything you might feel you're missing just because they happen to be your biological parent.

I found out my bio-mom had 5 more girls and two boys after me. I only met her once the week before I turned 18. I knew about the two boys but never knew about my 5 half sisters. They found me on FB last October

I feel lucky that I never had a relationship with her given the type of person that she was. You just take care of yourself and forget about the crap-storm that others around you create for themselves.

alidawn15

That would be easier if they hadn't neglected to tell me that my grandmother was in the hospital until she was so out of it she thought it was 2000, and there's little chance now of her recovering at all. He's the black sheep and I'm doomed by association. I changed my last name as soon as I turned 18.

GwenInNM

Lots of good, caring, on target advise with the previous posts. What I can say is use the challenges you have and reframe those as strengths. There are people who are dealt with very poor parents, and you have to remember, it is never your fault. You just got in the wrong line when they were handing out parents Consider how strong you are to handle this well and use this as an opportunity to have a great life, despite what you've been handed. Think of it as gift and with gratitude that you are going to be a strong person and make different decisions than your own parent. Let go the idea of "rescuing" the 18 year old. She'll never believe you anyways, because she is blind and wants to live in a fantasy world and has her own reasons for picking him. If she would pick some guy that much older than her, and has just had a baby. . . Ugh! She'll have to make her own mistakes, and yes the poor child will be impacted, but that is not your fault. It's your father's and this girl, whom neither you have control over! Turn your challenges into opportunities to do things in your life BETTER! I wish you the best.

Now go feed your fish or clean the tank

Gwen

brownmane

Like everyone has said, don't take on others' responsibilities. You can't undo others' mistakes.

Live your life to the best of your abilities. Learn what you need to from your past experience and move on.

If for some reason you are asked to get involved, take great care and consideration. Sometimes you need to put your own wellbeing first.