08-29-2012, 05:03 PM
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I know! It seems everyone has an uncle or older brother who has a huge tank with a damned oscar that he feeds live goldfish to and a big ol' pleco. And this dude is supposed to be the "family fish expert". And everybody in the family who gets an aquarium is told to listen to this idiot: "Oh you have fish? You should go talk to Uncle Frankie! Uncle Frank, little Nicky here has fish. Tell him what he should do."
Uncle Frankie finishes his fifth beer and his eleventh marlboro and says "Do you got a sucker fish? Man! You gotta get a suckerfish so it can eat all the sh__ in the tank."
So everyone does this. Having a sailfin pleco grow from a two inch juvenile to a foot-long statue is the hallmark of good fish-keeping. You can see this sad progression everywhere you go: from "once-thriving tank" to "death throes final spasm" where only one wizened fish remains, an emaciated angelfish, a skittery silver dollar, accompanied by a huge and immobile pleco attached to the front glass like a rubberized parody of itself.
I was eating at a Turkish restaurant a couple months ago, and that was in the dining room. That tank I just described. A 75 gallon tank with a mean old green terror in one corner, and a mean old convict in another corner, and a big rubber pleco stuck to the front glass between them. . . Occasionally, the cichlids go at each other, ripping furiously at each other's jaws, then sinking back down in individual misery and boredom.
I swear. You see that tank everywhere. At least I do. And I'm really tired of that tank. The worst feng shui in the world. the Turkish food was bad to begin with, but that tank ruined my appetite, too!